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redthroatedloonSometimes I think that being "grown up" is simply a matter of pretense. You pretend to be responsible and serious; you pretend to care about the work that you're doing in order to pay the rent and put food on the table (and pay for the cable television hookup); you pretend that it all makes sense to you.
When I was in college, I determined that, by age 40, I was going to be one of those really cool, wise, together middle-aged women who knew what life was about, who enjoyed their partners (men or women), worked at what they wanted to work at, and didn't take any shit from anyone.
The problem was, when I did hit 40, I didn't feel like I had reached that. I didn't feel that at 45 either. And now I wonder whether all those really together, wise, cool women whom I admired when I was 20 and they were 40 were as responsible and knowing on the inside as they appeared to me on the outside. Maybe they were also simply pretending to be grown up -- but had just had more experience at it.
When I was in college, I determined that, by age 40, I was going to be one of those really cool, wise, together middle-aged women who knew what life was about, who enjoyed their partners (men or women), worked at what they wanted to work at, and didn't take any shit from anyone.
The problem was, when I did hit 40, I didn't feel like I had reached that. I didn't feel that at 45 either. And now I wonder whether all those really together, wise, cool women whom I admired when I was 20 and they were 40 were as responsible and knowing on the inside as they appeared to me on the outside. Maybe they were also simply pretending to be grown up -- but had just had more experience at it.
